My Brief Encounter With a Strange Gypsy

(The following is a satirical take on “My brief OkCupid Affair With a World Champion Magic Player” from the male perspective.)

Earlier this month, I came home fresh off of a Magic tournament, thinking to myself I am amazing. I need to get in touch with the rest of humanity through OKCupid. Sure, I’d heard some stories, but what’s the worst that could happen?

Two months into my online dating experiment, OKCupid had given me an anonymous online presence. It was like shining a spotlight on a dead raccoon only to realize that he is sleeping. Every time I signed on, I was greeted with awesome messages, like: “I’ll sho u wut magic issss ;)”.  Even though I didn’t mention Magic in my information, fans of the game immediately recognized my name. The only problem is that Magic doesn’t define who I am. Sure, I’m the world champion, but I’m much more than that on a personal level. So I decided to message someone who I just happened to stumble upon – someone who seemed non-confrontational and generally a safe bet. “You should go out with me :)” I typed. She gave me her name and told me to “Google away”. She signed off, and I Googled her name. I found nothing unusual about her, just a regular person. Boy was I in for a shock.

We met for a drink mid way through the week. She was thin and slender, dressed in a Fed-Ex uniform with pale skin and a strange accent. Regardless, we started talking about normal stuff—family, work, college. I told her my brother was a gamer. And then she asked me what I did in my spare time. I casually mentioned that I played Magic: The Gathering when I was younger.

“Actually,” I muttered. “I’m the world champion.”

She laughed hysterically until veins popped out of her skull and beer spilled from her nose and somehow found its way back into her cup. Wow, I thought. This lady is strange! The crazed look in her eyes told me that she thought I was some kind of alien. Regardless, we called it a night and decided to meet again later on in the week.

We met back up on Friday night for dinner. We ordered our mains and kept conversation light. Just after our food arrived and we began eating, she asked me 3 questions. I gave her 3 answers. With each answer, she nodded and progressively lowered her face closer and closer to her plate. I shotgunned the rest of my beer and thought I gotta get outta here – she’s just a fake-ass gypsy! I smiled. She promptly finished eating and insisted in heading home right away. I left the rest of my food on my plate and I dropped her off.

I never heard from her again. I went on with my life and things haven’t changed for me. I’m still J, I’m still amazing, and I’m still single. Moral of the story, whether or not you Google the shit out of your next date, you never know who they are ‘till you meet them. Also, gypsies only belong in Magic – so when you go out on a date, don’t be a gypsy.

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2 Comments

  1. I actually really enjoyed this post. It shows the other side of the coin, and appeals more to the humanity in people. It points out things that she had originally missed (such as that magic isnt who he is entirely, so you shouldnt stereotype him and make that all of him). It also puts him in the higher position, choosing to respond with dignity and still treating her with respect regardless of what was happening, and he carries that into real life by refusing to diss her after she publicly dissed him online. I do think it just states one point of view, does not show any humanity on her side, and generally makes fun of her, and so reading this post alone would create a stereotype of her as well. But if read accompanying her article, I think it is amazing, as then you can see both sides.

  2. Creative post, feralmrmagpie. What I found most interesting in the original article, personally, was that her point, in the end, was essentially a “right/wrong” verdict on online dating ettiquette–“DO google your potential date.” It’s especially noteworthy since the resulting controversy regarding her report was caused by a violation of another rule: “DON’T insult your date publicly (especially on a venue where people are very likely to be on his side).”
    –MH


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